Junior Inquisitor

Junior Inquisitor

Thursday, March 23, 2017

Your Literary Posse


Sorry for the delayed post everyone, but trust me I think you’ll be fine with the hold-up. The Horror Novel with No Name chugs along, here’s a bit for you (please remember this is first draft, not even edited by me, let alone some who knows how to edit and gets paid to do so) -

“You seem to be here all by yourself Marshall,” Corporal Devins said his voice full of doubt.
“My partner and one other US Marshall will be here shortly.”
“So you wouldn’t object to us looking around making sure everything’s quiet.”
“This is a Federal operation, so what you need to do is leave,” I said crossing my arms. It looked defensive, but it meant my hand was almost touching my pistol. Cinci PD had not been chummy last time we met. Officer Massy was watching me intently ready to follow his partner’s lead. His hand was still on his pistol.
“I’m going to have to call this in,” said Devins.
“Feel free to do so. In your car. Away from here.”

Your Literary Posse
If you are like most Indie Authors you are looking forward to that day when you go - LEGIT. That glorious day when you are so successful as an author, it is your primary occupation. When movie deals are discussed, groupies swoon in your presence, lesser literary mortals weep with envy as you stride past, and, most importantly, your posse is formed and theme music chosen.

Difficult questions that have plagued authors since the days of Cervantes. Before you start to quake in terror at the possibilities, let me illustrate what other authors are doing. Perhaps that will help you decide.

Remember if you are thinking of throwing down to steal another author’s literary mojo, you must go through their posse first. If you are successful, you may be able to have a one on one duel with the boss.

Emersen Lee - Theme - Work Bitch by Brittney Spears https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pt8VYOfr8To

As Emersen is a noted kickboxer, she would be accompanied by overly oiled men who are ready to rumble. Rumor has it this is the least of her mini-bosses.

Find out more here - https://emersenlee.wordpress.com/

Emily Kaplan – Theme - WTF by Missy Elliot

Emily will occasionally teach an aerobics class, and you might laugh thinking, “Sweating to the oldies.” In reality, what you have instead, is a large group of highly energetic protectors who will wear you down into a quivering pool of sweat before taunting you with, “Just five more.” Yes, they will be laughing at you.

Find out more here - http://justtheemwords.com/

R.L. King - Theme - Sentinel by VNV Nation

A prolific author, not much is known about R.L. King other than she is LEGIT, and deservedly so. I have reviewed her books and Magus Stone multiple times here, and here. Given her choice in theme music and her magical using Main Character, I propose her posse would be dressed thusly.

Go ahead, tell her you think her book deserved a one star. Hope your will is updated.
Find out more here - http://rlkingwriting.com/
 

Janey Mack - Theme - Sunny by Bobby Hebb

Classic music for a classic lady. Her posse will be dressed in vintage Rat Pack style. While we may not think much of clean lines and a well-tailored suit, remember these are the guys that used to bayonet Nazis on several continents before hanging out with the Mafia in Vegas. Show respect or prepared to take a long ride into the desert.

Find out more here -  http://www.janeymack.com/

Lucian - Theme - Don't take me for granted by Social Distortion

Lucian also keeps quiet about his appearance. However, rumor has it he lives in one of those lumber-jack-almost-Canada states. Thusly, I propose he'd favor a flannel based style for his Posse.


Adam Dreece - Theme - Heathens by Twenty One Pilots

Being a sophisticated man with a classical education, polished manners, an affinity for Dapper Dan products and a saber that thirsts for the blood. Adam adopts a more classic style for his posse. Again, well dressed and well-mannered does not mean weak. His smile might turn from ‘Happy to meet you,’ to ‘Let’s kill Batman’ in the blink of an eye if you are foolish.

Find out more here - http://adamdreece.com/

Rick Gualtieri - Theme - Paranoid by Black Sabbath

Like most LEGIT authors, Rick is an incredibly decent person. However due to his size, both physically and literary, when Rick enters a room conversation stops. After all he is rocking the Lex Luther look and doing so with style. His posse, rumored to be journeymen authors, are dressed for battle and ready to throw down. Be respectful.

Find out more here - http://rickgualtieri.com/

What about me you ask?

Well I’m not LEGIT, yet, but if I was -

My theme – Lone Digger by Caravan Palace

While it's true I look damn good in a kilt, and make women swoon in my uniform, I look ever better in a suit. If I ever get to the lofty level of LEGIT, my posse will be a modern incarnation of the Rat Pack. Dressed thusly and with my particular theme music no one will be sure if I there for a dance off or a broken-bottle barroom brawl. Both are likely.
There you go. Fine authors, decent people, and dangerous to mess with. You’ve been warned.
 
Want to know more about me via my works?
Ears burning?
Demons whispering madness?
Block the crazy with Junior Inquisitor, now an audio book
Junior Inquisitor Audible
Want to read in the old fashioned way?
Click on the links and enjoy.
FREE! FREE! FREE! FREE!
Get it free here - Goth Witch of Philly
 
Junior Inquisitor Book One  


  
Soulless Monk Book Two  
 Smashwords - https://goo.gl/NXw3Gr
Inquisitor Series - http://goo.gl/5lCyaX
 
The Witch’s Lair Book Three 
Smashwords - https://goo.gl/MokJnC 
 Inquisitor Series - http://goo.gl/mJtTf8 
 
The Vampire of Rome Book Four
 
 
 
 
 
 

Sunday, March 12, 2017

Literary Swordsmanship


Howdy everyone, I hope this crazy weather has at least amused you. I recently got to enjoy some ‘mandatory fun’ as we call in in the military aka a family vacation. Despite colds, coughs, and runny noses, the family and In-laws went down to Great Wolf Lodge in Williamsburg VA. Much fun was had. Little Girl learned how to howl and the proper way to ambush prey.
 
Why can't I wear my ears to swim?
Hungry Like The Wolf
The unnamed horror novel continues to chug along, I expect in another month or so to wrap up the first draft. Then comes the pain, editing.
 
Literary Swordsmanship
Steve Wetherell wrote one of the best blog posts I have read to date on what it takes to be a success as an Indie Author. Feel free to check it out, https://www.undergroundbookreviews.org/the-seven-vital-virtues-of-indie-author-success/
and then take his points to heart, before you take a point to the heart. Don’t believe literary duels happen? Feel free to check into the death of Christopher Marlowe. Chris was a literary bad-ass, but no match for Bubonic Bill. There’s a reason we read Shakespeare 400 years after his death.

It's true, in darkened, rain-soaked alleys, behind hotels hosting various conventions, authors fight to the death to absorb each other’s literary powers. These duels, known by all but rarely discussed occur almost every weekend. The victor fights their way up the ladder of success until they leave behind the blood-soaked arena of Indie authordom and goes legit.

Suddenly contracts appear, movie deals are discussed, and groupies gush. Those left behind gnash their teeth, sharpen their weapons, and look for their opportunity to ascend. Which is why legit authors get a posse.
Stephen King and Posse, 1985
Who should you monitor, what will they use to rend your body and steal your literary mojo? Keep reading my friends, keep reading.

Emersen Lee, the Booted Bandit, is adorable sized, at 61 inches.
Smile = Death is coming
Do not, however, let her diminutive size, fool you. A vicious kick- boxer, and mistress of the Kris blades, she will give you an impish smile as she slides them between your ribs and drains you of literary talent. Read her book and her WIPs to gain understanding of how to avoid the Smiling Imp of Death - https://emersenlee.wordpress.com/

Emily Kaplan, the Terror of Illinois, also hovers at the ‘just over five-foot’ mark.
Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry
Formerly a frequently user of the blowgun of death, Emily has recently changed things up, and become - enhanced. When angry or outraged, a startling metamorphosis occurs, the creature is driven by rage, and has been known to flip cars, pummel 70s street gangs, and make nosy investigative journalists fly.
Now Emily uses a chopping cleaver to slice and dice her prey. Approach with extreme caution and only in a non-threatening manner. Complementing her on her books (found here along with a blog and t-shirts) - http://justtheemwords.com/
may prevent you from being gored on her tusks as she screams “Waaagh!” while tearing you limb from limb.

Laurie Vincent, Deadly Red,
I'll will go DEVO on you.
like most redheads, and all cats, likes to toy with her food. In this case, she packs a one-two combination that has devastated many authors. Renown for her whip work, Laurie, wears down her opponent with a ten foot bull whip, until he or she is a quivering mound of flesh. Daintily, she stalks closer to the soon to be former author, and slides in a stiletto for the kill. Sad fact of life, most of you can’t handle a redhead and the tale of Laurie should only reinforce that truth. Still if you’re foolish enough to seek a challenge, go here to learn what you need to know- https://www.amazon.com/Laurie-Vincent/e/B00L0CMB7C/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1?qid=1406992026&sr=8-1
Laurie’ll make you laugh, weep, shout for joy and then with a swift stab take it all away from you.

 

Adam Dreece, The Man Who Purged Dundas Harbor, is a Canadian.
Try not to bleed on me as you die, eh?
Like all Canadians, including my cousins, he loves Cricket, and a polite literary exsanguination, with a spot of tea. Well trained in the use of a sabre, Adam has cut down many a foolish upstart author. All with a polite yawn, and perhaps a helpful criticism or two. Being the consummate gentleman that he is, he not only has a website where you can begin to stalk him, but his books are prominently featured as well. It is recommended you read everything he has written before you drop a challenge. Also, get your will in order  -  http://adamdreece.com/

 
Janey Mack, The Irish Terror of Arizona, is smart, fast, and has a dazzling smile of death.
Oh honey, you're too pretty to die today.
As you can guess, Janey likes to use a rapier, and talks smack to her opponents. As fast as her blade is, it is rumored that she has slain just as many with her sharp tongue, Oscar Wilde style. If you’re feeling daring, Janey’s contributions to literary excellence can be found here -  http://www.janeymack.com/
Further warning, she’s gone legit, she’s got mad skills and won’t hesitate to draw blood.

 
Ken Lange, Mr. Silent but Deadly, the Stench of Orleans,
Go away kid, you're bothering me
prefers a straight bladed katana to dispatch the annoying. Solitary, fierce, grumpy, and not afraid to lay a smack down on fools, Ken prefers the One Clean Cut of Death, which involves removing the liver via the left eye socket. If you dare, book, t-shirts and information can be found here, just hang on to your liver - https://www.kenlangeauthor.com/
 

Rick Gualtieri, The Jersey Devil,
So damn hot my hair melted!
was once a dual-hatted author/ regular job holder, but thanks to his prodigious work, and sublime sword skills, he now holds the master rank of AUTHOR. Always ready with a smile, and snarky joke, Rick uses a Bastard sword, not because it’s best tool available, but because he gets to say “Bastard” a lot. If you’re dumb enough to face him, expect to hear about your lack of sexual prowess, several negative comparisons to sexual reproductive organs, scatological references, and ultimately laughter as you bleed out. Gather information, and read his books by going here -
http://rickgualtieri.com/
Gird your loins, death awaits those who are underprepared.

 
Wrap-up
And there you have it a short reference to those who have made it, and those on the way up. Why some are destined for literary greatness, and others to the bargain bin of the dollar store. Let us not forget that swordsmanship by itself will not get you that three movie deal, one must also be able to string together sentences and tell a tale that amazes. That’s takes work and inspiration. Lastly, hire an editor!

What’s that?

What do I use when dueling?

Growing up I had to learn to use both hands for certain jobs. I do have a wild and uninhibited streak. I’ve been known to wear naught but a kilt and gas mask for casual Friday (pro tip: don’t do that, HR gets all kinds of stupid). My mad skills allowed me to tame a wild redhead. Put that all together along with my sanguis nature and I use a SOG tomahawk in one hand and a Bowie knife in the other. You've been warned.
 
 
Want to know more about me via my works?
Ears burning?
Demons whispering madness?
Block the crazy with Junior Inquisitor, now an audio book
Junior Inquisitor Audible
Want to read in the old fashioned way?
Click on the links and enjoy.
FREE! FREE! FREE! FREE!
Get it free here - Goth Witch of Philly
 
Junior Inquisitor Book One  


  
Soulless Monk Book Two  
 Smashwords - https://goo.gl/NXw3Gr
Inquisitor Series - http://goo.gl/5lCyaX
 
The Witch’s Lair Book Three 
Smashwords - https://goo.gl/MokJnC 
 Inquisitor Series - http://goo.gl/mJtTf8 
 
The Vampire of Rome Book Four
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

A Girl Named Watson, and a nearly completed work with no title


Okay I may be exaggerating a bit, I’m at 37,000-ish words on my new novel. Which makes it more like 2/3rds done, so by the end of March I should be close, if not done. Now all I need is a title. And an edit or three.

What is this literary masterpiece all about you ask?

Oh, well. It’s more horror than I usually do, Cthulhu mythos, with a 17-year-old protagonist, who’s trying to stop cheerleaders from being sacrificed to the Old Gods and can’t seem to find a date for Prom.

I’ve really enjoyed writing it so far. I post updates every now and then on FB, so if you’re really interested https://www.facebook.com/lincoln.farish.7.

Will Kevin finally get a date for prom?    Not telling.

Will cheerleaders stop dying?                    Perhaps.

Will the finale be a mix of John Woo and The Red Wedding? - Oh yea!

I dislike Romance, the authors are very nice people for the most part, fantastic even. Many have helped me understand the book biz, but the genre itself does little for me. So when my friend Emersen Lee put out her book of shorts, A Girl Named Watson, I was a bit nervous about opening it up and reading. I was wrong.

Amazon - A Girl Named Watson


A Girl Named Watson Review

Emersen Lee weaves a series of stories about realistic love. Not the stereo-typically chubby, mid-thirties, woman of failed relationships and an emotional baggage train a mile long that only the Alpha-Bear of the He-Man Were-Bear Shifter League can fulfill. No, Emersen looks at our base natures and the attempts to banish loneliness, even if just for a while. She writes with a deft pen, plumbing the depths of the solitary ache that is life with-out love. There no purity of the character's souls intertwining in a match made in heaven nonsense; this is the relationship dance we see every day in friends, relatives, and sometimes, ourselves. The potential train-wreck that we cannot look away from, fascinated, revolted, and sure that it will come to disaster in the end. There is truth in her words, the heart wants what the heart wants, even if the relationship is bad long-term, even if it means a summer fling, even it means disappointment in the end.
 
 

Amazon - A Girl Named Watson

 
There is a rawness, an underlying sadness, a hint that things will not workout, that 'all you need is love' is the trite slogan of thirteen-year-olds’, not a reality in her stories.
After that Emersen goes into describing what in means to wear clothes that may look great but try to kill the owner in the hot humid days of Summer.


Amazon - A Girl Named Watson

If you want 'happily ever after' fluff, to soothe your delicate sensibilities, there is a whole range of bear-romance available. If you want to know the pain of being alone, and the desperate measure humans will go to feel wanted, I highly recommend this book.

 
Author Interview with Emersen Lee

Emersen Lee
 
 
Would you call A Girl Named Watson romance or something else?

Lol...A Girl Named Watson is the furthest thing from romance. It has elements of love in it, but at the crux of all the shorts is the fickleness and the cruelty of the human heart.  We fall in and out of love. We take our partners for granted for whatever reason, and then we remember why we loved them in the first place.  By the time that realization comes up, sometimes it's too late. The loss felt on all sides is defining and rather life altering.
Is there a sub category for satire of the heart?

Do you write in any other genre?
Urban thriller with focus on the wars in the Middle East. 

When did you start to write A Girl Named Watson one and why?
I wrote Watson for a friend who was going through a hard time last year.  It started as labor of love to cheer him up and ended up being a full blow short story. I gave him the happily ever after he wanted. 

What's next for you in writing?
Political satire with Washington DC being the star.

Preview of your next book or series?
https://emersenlee.wordpress.com/2016/06/27/the-consulate-has-fallen/

When will it be available?
 Hopefully mid spring!

Emersen Lee

Where to find her -


Just in case you haven’t heard, I have a few books and stories you might want to take a look at -

Ears burning?
Demons whispering madness?
Block the crazy with Junior Inquisitor, now an audio book
Junior Inquisitor Audible
Want to read in the old fashioned way?
Click on the links and enjoy.
FREE! FREE! FREE! FREE!
Get it free here - Goth Witch of Philly
 
Junior Inquisitor Book One  


  
Soulless Monk Book Two  
 Smashwords - https://goo.gl/NXw3Gr
Inquisitor Series - http://goo.gl/5lCyaX
 
The Witch’s Lair Book Three 
Smashwords - https://goo.gl/MokJnC 
 Inquisitor Series - http://goo.gl/mJtTf8 
 
The Vampire of Rome Book Four